When Frisco Does Bluegrass

I sometimes think that I’m emotionally distant. That’s probably a typical guy thing, though I suppose typical guys don’t think about it. I’m simply not one to become overwhelmed with emotion, nor to let my emotions control my behavior. But now I’m going to tell you about seeing Dolly Parton.

Last weekend, San Francisco’s Golden Gate Park hosted the Hardly Strictly Bluegrass Festival. It was a 3-day long event, with over sixty bands playing on five separate stages throughout the park, topped off with a performance by Dolly Parton Sunday evening.

I would expect that the crowd at a bluegrass festival in Nebraska would probably look like a crowd you’d expect to see at, say… a bluegrass festival. Judging the look of the crowd in GG Park, however, you might have concluded they were in town for a Phish concert – or maybe a gay rodeo – or, possibly, a Star Trek convention.

You had your hippies with miles of dreds tucked into colossal knit caps and women in patchwork frocks, spinning in circles Lillith Fair-style. And there were men with handlebar moustaches wearing hats that looked like gigantic toads. And people dressed as pink cowboys – feet crammed into pink gator-skin boots, shoulders draped in jackets studded with pink rhinestones, necks wrapped in pink feather boas, and heads capped with pink cowboy hats that covered pink hair – clutching matching pink poodles.

And the Galactic Sign Guy was there too. His name is Frank Chiu, and he’s a truly iconic San Franciscan (there's even a local nightclub inspired by him) – though most people know him only as the Galactic Sign Guy.

He protests. Many would say he doth protest too much, because protest is all he does. On the other hand, very few (if any) know just what it is he is protesting. He carries a sign, but it’s hardly any help, and he changes the magnetic-lettered wording every day. For today’s festivities, his sign read, "Stevens 12 Galaxies Quintrozenikulled Suppression Fox: Sydropenicalled Coverage Xekrojenikulled Repudiations Mobilizations Pediatrics." Now do you understand?

You may think the message arcane, but I assure you, it's completely incoherent. I do know that the CIA owes his family a large sum of money for casting them as lead roles in a CIA-produced documentary about an extraterrestrial invasion of the United States back in the 90s. That’s according to him.

So basically, it was your typical San Francisco crowd. And aside from the Galactic Sign Guy, it was no secret why we were there. We were all there to see Dolly Parton – for free.

But before I get to Dolly, I need to briefly mention Split Lip Rayfield. Split Lip Rayfield isn’t another crazy San Francisco character, but three crazy Lawrence, Kansas characters who can spit out bluegrass better than my granny can spit tobacky. With a banjo, guitar, and a bass made out of an old gas tank, they knocked out some bluegrass so hard, it was no surprise that strings were snapping off their instruments.

My favorite song was “How Many Biscuits Can You Eat?” which gave me a serious case of the munchies. At least, I think it was the song – the park air was getting somewhat thick with some rather wacky smelling smoke at this point. But I'm sure it was the song, possibly combined with the fact that I’d been sitting in the sun drinking bourbon for an entire Sunday afternoon.

Anyways, Split Lip Rayfield was worth seeing – and you can. They’re playing at Knickerbockers in Lincoln on November 2. (Whoa! Snap! That’s right Touring Tonya, I just scooped you, baby!) Go see them – you will not be disappointed.

And then she emerged. A sparkling, double-E goddess with piles of blonde, Dolly Parton entered the stage. After a brief comment that we must all be in a good mood, judging by the smell, she opened with 9 to 5. I actually phoned my mom, who was having supper with my grammy in Grand Island, so she could hear for herself. Dolly continued with old favorites (I Will Always Love You, In My Tennessee Mountain Home) and songs from her new CD, Those Were The Days (Imagine, Where Have All The Flowers Gone, and Crimson and Clover among others). The CD's release date is October 11, 2005.

And as she sang, as I watched and took pictures, the oddest feeling came over me. My eyes started watering and I felt a lump forming in my throat. What’s going on? Am I having an allergic reaction to something? Oh my god, I’m getting emotional!

I’m not wowed by celebrities, but the realization that this person has been, in some way, a part of my life for my entire life and after all these years I was finally seeing her for the first time kind of overwhelmed me. I didn’t sob, or scream, or flash my chest at her, but I admit I got a little misty. It was truly amazing to see such a paragon of American music. And she was fantastic.

From our seats, I could really only see her boobs and her hair – and the flashes of rhinestones. But my camera did a pretty decent job of getting me closer. Girl’s had some work done, but her voice was the same as always – wonderful and sincere. Thank you Dolly. I never realized what a part of my life you’ve been.