Nebraska, Here I Kum (n Go)
Well, I made it. After a hellish day of flying (complete with delayed planes and terrible, vomit-inducing turbulence that even made me queazy), I landed in Omaha for my week-long dream vacation in Nebraska.
And I made it without incident. This is a relief, you see, because I was a little bit concerned about travelling today. I expressed my concern to Jay last evening as we were following up our delicious last-night-in-Frisco meal of Vietnamese Barbecue Pork and garlic noodles with a glass of bourbon. "I hope I don't have to poop all day tomorrow," is what I said to him.
Pooping while travelling isn't usually a huge concern of mine. But I'm on antibiotics. And I don't know about you, but that has a way of making me rather fluid. "Is there a pill I can take to make it so I don't have to poop?" I asked him.
"Like Squirtz-B-Gone or something?" he quipped.
"Or Runz-Away!" I countered in a stroke of genius.
Of course, Runz-Away doesn't exist - but it should, shouldn't it? Well, we thought so, anyway. And so we proceeded to come up with a long (long) list of advertising slogans for our new product - a brainstorm that proved somewhat viral as we continued to text each other all day today with our latest ideas while I was travelling. I know you want to hear some of them.
Runz-Away - A Solid Bet!
Tell your squirts to take a hike! Runz-Away!
Give your squirts the heave-ho with Runz-Away.
Don't let diarrhea cramp your style - take Runz-Away!
With Runz-Away, you'll never stand for the trots again.
And so on...
But like I said, I made it with no untimely nor unplanned emergences. Yes, I said emergences.
And you're not going to believe this, but it was by sheer coincidence that my first meal in Nebraska, upon landing in Omaha after a full day of not eating, was at a truly Nebraskan (Czechoslovakian, no less) fast-food chain called Runza. And yes, I got a cheese Runza - and it was good. And even after eating the "Runza way," I have no need for Runz-Away. Keep your fingers crossed (and I'll do the same with my legs, just to be safe).
Right next to the Runza restaurant was a convenience store called Kum-n-Go. I'm not kidding. Really - I'm totally serious. Look, I can prove it:
Yes, that's sexual innuendo, right here on the plains, big as day. And you thought people out here in the sticks were unsophisticated!
I took that photo with my camera phone, by the way. Are you impressed with the quality? Because I am.
So, this is your correspondent, signing off for now, from the Heartland. Stay tuned for more Middle-Americana, as I see it.
And I made it without incident. This is a relief, you see, because I was a little bit concerned about travelling today. I expressed my concern to Jay last evening as we were following up our delicious last-night-in-Frisco meal of Vietnamese Barbecue Pork and garlic noodles with a glass of bourbon. "I hope I don't have to poop all day tomorrow," is what I said to him.
Pooping while travelling isn't usually a huge concern of mine. But I'm on antibiotics. And I don't know about you, but that has a way of making me rather fluid. "Is there a pill I can take to make it so I don't have to poop?" I asked him.
"Like Squirtz-B-Gone or something?" he quipped.
"Or Runz-Away!" I countered in a stroke of genius.
Of course, Runz-Away doesn't exist - but it should, shouldn't it? Well, we thought so, anyway. And so we proceeded to come up with a long (long) list of advertising slogans for our new product - a brainstorm that proved somewhat viral as we continued to text each other all day today with our latest ideas while I was travelling. I know you want to hear some of them.
Runz-Away - A Solid Bet!
Tell your squirts to take a hike! Runz-Away!
Give your squirts the heave-ho with Runz-Away.
Don't let diarrhea cramp your style - take Runz-Away!
With Runz-Away, you'll never stand for the trots again.
And so on...
But like I said, I made it with no untimely nor unplanned emergences. Yes, I said emergences.
And you're not going to believe this, but it was by sheer coincidence that my first meal in Nebraska, upon landing in Omaha after a full day of not eating, was at a truly Nebraskan (Czechoslovakian, no less) fast-food chain called Runza. And yes, I got a cheese Runza - and it was good. And even after eating the "Runza way," I have no need for Runz-Away. Keep your fingers crossed (and I'll do the same with my legs, just to be safe).
Right next to the Runza restaurant was a convenience store called Kum-n-Go. I'm not kidding. Really - I'm totally serious. Look, I can prove it:
Yes, that's sexual innuendo, right here on the plains, big as day. And you thought people out here in the sticks were unsophisticated!
I took that photo with my camera phone, by the way. Are you impressed with the quality? Because I am.
So, this is your correspondent, signing off for now, from the Heartland. Stay tuned for more Middle-Americana, as I see it.
Comments on "Nebraska, Here I Kum (n Go)"
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Anonymous said ... (August 08, 2006 11:26 PM) :
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Anonymous said ... (August 09, 2006 7:31 AM) :
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Asinine Army said ... (August 10, 2006 10:01 AM) :
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Anonymous said ... (October 12, 2006 2:26 PM) :
post a commentIs gas really only $2.99? Wow, the plains really do have it all.
Kum & Go stores are popular in the Midwest. Answers.com states, at the end of 2005 Kum & Go had 427 locations in 13 states. Kum & Go plans to expand to 950 stores by the end of 2008. I think the name came from the famous song "Kumbaya." Okay, maybe not.
Like a frog on a hot plate, when you live with Kum and Gos in most cities, the giggles slowly give way to acceptance. The first time I saw one, I took a picture too. Nobody found it nearly as funny as I did.
Which begs the question, if you're a marketing genius with anti-squirts medicine, how about Kum and Go slogans?
See women, See Men at Kum N' Go.
That's just for starters.
The real truth. According to their web site:
In 1959 in Hampton, Iowa, company founders W. A. Krause and Anthony Gentle used the first letters of their last names to create a unique moniker to showcase the ease and convenience they instilled in a shopping experience. Thus Kum & Go was born. Since then the convenience store chain has grown to more than 445 stores in 13 states (Iowa, Kansas, Minnesota, Missouri, Montana, Nebraska, North Dakota, Oklahoma, South Dakota, Colorado, Arkansas, Wyoming and Wisconsin).