Halloween Costume Ideas for the Lame

If you’re like me, you thought of an ingenious Halloween costume idea months ago, told everyone what you were going to be, and haven’t done a thing to get it together. Now, it’s a day before Halloween and you’re stuck with no ideas, no materials, and no time. Your Halloween costume is doomed to be lame – but even lamer is having no costume at all.

I’m not going to tell you my great costume idea, because, well, there’s always next year. But I will share some terrific, lame ideas with you.

You see, a great costume doesn’t need to be elaborate or require a lot of thought, planning, or effort. And a lame costume can be great, too. How can you make a lame costume great? By embracing its lameness and wearing it proudly. And it helps if the answer to “What are you supposed to be?” is a hilarious punch-line.

So here are some really lame costume ideas that anyone - even you, lame-o - can put together at the last minute, with almost no effort.

1. Cut a hole in a tablecloth. Staple some paper plates, napkins, and plastic utensils to it. Draw ants all over it with a permanent marker (the more, the better). You’re a picnic!


2. Too elaborate? Line an overcoat or trench coat with newspaper and be a “news-flasher.”


3. No overcoat? Get a big, square piece of cardboard. Paint it a bold color (such as orange, yellow, or pink). Cut a hole in it for your face. Voila! You’re Colorado (or perhaps Wyoming).


4. Still too much work? No problem, I’ve got you covered. Get a “Hello, my name is…” sticker/name-tag (or make one out of an index card and masking tape). Write “Mitch” in the name space. What are you? A guy named Mitch, obviously.


5. If all else fails, just go out with a crutch under your shoulder, or walk with a cane (heck, a long, broken tree branch will work) and be exactly what you are: LAME.

Do you have any fun, easy, and exquisitely lame costume ideas to share? Do tell.

Happy Halloween!

P.S. Click the pumpkin photo to see a gallery of drunken pumpkin carving pics from Saturday evening at San Francisco's notorious gay biker bar, the Eagle Tavern!